Ghost World

Ghost World.

 For the longest time I have desired to have some sort of online space that I can post things that feel more like me. No bullshit, no worrying about what readers or sponsors are going to think. No trying to be perfect, and feeling like a failure, when inevitably someone's post was better than mine. Somewhere to express my angst and not feel judged that I am more like a melodramatic teenager, than a 31 year old Mom.

Anyway. Let the melodrama begin!

Sometimes I feel so alone, Like literally nothing that I do matters. Like I am sitting and screaming and it's not that no one hears, it's just that no one cares. It was a lot easier to feel like this when I was younger. It's like now that I am an adult, I am supposed to be composed, and not be so self indulgent in my own pity. I relish the days of the 90's. I feel so confused now. It's like, we share more than ever, and it's totally acceptable for me to post on Facebook that I took a giant shit, but not anything real, or personal---though, I feel like everyone tries to personify some sort of fake reality. If that makes any sense.

I am mildly depressed and I want to blog about it. Like a real blog. Full of personal stuff. The blog as I knew it. It's like Latin, a dead language. Though I can't throw stones, I am a professional blogger. The kind that makes money. I killed the blog, but I guess I am here trying to do my public service ( to myself? ) and revive it. At least for my own sake.